Hotel Deluxe
by Serb
Summary: The rogues who escaped from Arkham decide to stay temporarily at a rundown hotel, Hotel Deluxe. However, the noise of Ivy's neighbours is too loud for her to go to sleep, so she takes matters into her own hands..... Read and Review!


**Hotel Deluxe**

_Author's Note: Yep, this is another humor fic I've written because I was bored. The villains escaped Arkham so decide to settle temporarily down in a run-down hotel ironically called "Hotel Deluxe". The story at first focuses on Ivy and Harley who are fed up from the non-soundproof rooms, so from then on havoc ensues…… None of the characters belong to me of course, but to DC Comics and the cool series hosted by Warner Bros. Cheers._

Gotham City- home to thousands of different kinds of souls, most hard-earning, the others earn from owning large enterprises. As most cities of the world, it too had its dark parts, the parts where only the lowest of the low dwelled.

We will now direct our attention to one of those places; an unpopular street whose name doesn't concern us, but the fact that one of its buildings is a run-down hotel known as "Hotel Deluxe". Ironically, it isn't even rated two stars and most of the compliments go to the dirt and poor maintenance of it. It had its advantages: it was cheap, it was easy to get room there without a fuss (most of the guests were either killed by mobs there or no one dared to go there) and it was away from prying eyes. Maybe that was the reason why certain runaway patients from Arkham Asylum seeked refuge there for the time being.

Let us focus to the window of one of those rooms. One dusty window among many others in this shabby building……. However, one person was currently staring out through it from the inside. The first thing that could be noticed about this particular person is that they had long red hair and eyes that shone with the colour of life, which was green. The pale, pretty face stared aimlessly ahead into the darkness of the street, for now it was night-time and there were barely enough street lights to reveal the entire street.

'C'mon Red,' said a childish voice behind the person,' your flowers are asleep by now. Besides, ya gotta go to sleep now: it's been a busy day busting out of ol' Arkham and I gotta get my rest to see Puddin' tomorrow!'

Red, or more commonly known as the plant seductress Poison Ivy, turned around and sighed.

' You're right Harley,' she said wearily,' most of us got out of Arkham by now and soon they're going to start searching for us. I just hate this place! I'm sure it's crawling with roaches – those filthy, plant eating pests – so I'd better get some sleep before something else surprises me.'

The room had four brown tapestry walls and bunk beds. Harley, with her blond hair released and in her checked black-and-red pajamas bounced happily in her upper bed, grinning broadly.

'Aw, cheer up Red.' She said contentedly,' You musta have seen where Mistah J and I used to live whenever we escape.'

'Yeah, a barn next to the harbor where sailor clowns live,' Ivy commented,' I really should be grateful.'

'It's not a barn, it's a boat-house for jet-skis!' Harley insisted.

'Whatever,' mumbled Ivy, dressed in a gentle green night-dress that came to her mid-thigh and had no sleeves, crawled into her bed and snuggled under her worn-out covers.

'Goodnight Red!' Harley beamed as she turned off the switch. Darkness dominated the room.

Ivy smiled. Just the right time to get some sleep. She felt her eyelids drooping and sleep was clouding her mind……

Suddenly, dull footsteps were heard from the lobby.

' Tetch and Crane musta have finally came back,' Harley commented sleepily,' don't know where they were going today, but it's sure good of them come back early.'

Most of the Arkahm dangerous patients escaped, such as the Riddler, Two-Face, Bane….. Joker was supposed to come out tonight. The Scarecrow and Mad Hatter happened shared a room right next to Harley and Ivy's. It wasn't a bad bargain: Crane and Tetch didn't cause so much trouble, so naturally they wouldn't be so loud…… at least they thought that.

The two had closed the door without much noise, but to Ivy's ears it was an unnaturally loud level. To her shock, she could even hear their footsteps pacing around their room. One pair of footsteps had died down, which meant that one of the two went to the toilet. The same pair returned back, but at a hurried pace.

'Jonathan!' said Hatter angrily, though muffled, the voice clearly heard though the wall,' How many times have I told you not to leave your scythe hanging over the toilet? One day it may fall off and cut off some of my….vital parts.'

'Don't worry Jervis,' said the more age-worn voice of Scarecrow,'it's secured well. See?'

There was the sharp sound of metal hitting the floor and Hatter uttered a cry of shock.

'That could have killed me!' he snapped.

Scarecrow seemed to be interested in something else, especially when he asked disappointedly,' Is that all the screaming you can do?'

'Listen here!' said Hatter threateningly,' I constantly clear the awful mess around here while you just go and create it. Why, this very morning I ironed all our clothes!'

Harley stared down from her bunk at Ivy,' A guy doing housework?' she asked bewilderedly.

'I should have thanked you for that, especially when you neatly ironed my sackcloth and put it among my underwear, so after having my shower I was about to wear it the wrong way!' Scarecrow's voice grew louder.

'Ungrateful nincompoop,' grumbled Hatter and he stomped off. There was the sound of creaking of armchair, so it meant that he sat down to watch TV.

'Uh oh,' Harley whispered.

From the parallel room could be heard some sweet high-pitched voices, like singing from a cartoon. Especially from a very familiar Disney cartoon…..

' Look!' squealed Hatter joyfully,' It's Disney's "Alice in Wonderland"! And we're on time for a special song!'

As Hatter sang along with the song of the flowers (I honestly don't know its text), Harley hummed along with the tune.

'Since when do they put cartoons on at night?' asked Ivy irritably.

'Dunno. Cartoon Network?' Harley continued on with whistling.

'Crap.' Ivy groaned and pulled her pillow over her head. Alas, it still couldn't block out the noise.

'Stop watching such infantile programs and switch to Discovery Channel.' Said Scarecrow, joining Hatter.

'Why?' asked Hatter defensively,' So you could watch "Sex Sense"?'

' "Sex Sense" starts at midnight, you fool,' said Scarecrow coldly, 'It's only 10:30. Why don't we just skip to "Animal Planet" in hope of them talking about purple cats that have ridiculously large grins on their faces.'

'Oh really?' sneered Hatter,' If you don't want to watch "Sex Sense", then what is this?'

The changing of channels could be heard and the only sound was the quiet rustling of the TV.

'Jervis,' said Scarecrow's voice, now quieter, 'we are watching pornography.'

Hatter squeaked with surprise and he changed the channel (the news could be heard now). Ivy had a good mind to scold them later on for watching such things, when Harley surprised her by saying,' Jeez, these guys are shy of watching nude chicks? What are they? Schoolgirls?'

Ivy shook her head and now dearly wished to go to sleep. But she was sure that it wasn't stopping now.

'Why doesn't the hotel manager do anything about it?' Ivy complained,' They're disturbing guests here.'

'Duh, dontcha remember? He's half deaf!' Harley exclaimed,' 'sides, no one'll dare to disturb two of the greatest criminals in Gotham.'

'I've half mind to go and shut them up myself,' Ivy growled.

Hatter's voice could be heard from the other room when he said,' Jonathan, I think we ought to be more quiet. I heard Harleen from the other room, so perhaps the walls are a little thin. The poor girls just broke out of Arkham and need their rest.'

'I agree,' said Scarecrow,' I don't care much about that obnoxious Isley, but that good child ought to have her rest.'

'Obnoxious!' Ivy raised her voice in anger,' I'll show that straw creep who's obnoxious around here!'

Harley pulled Ivy's hand back in order to hold the seething woman down.

'That Riddler said he would come by now,' Scarecrow commented impatiently, 'I wonder what happened to him? Perhaps his ego just grew too big so he got stuck at the doorway downstairs.'

'They're having a party!' groaned Harley,' Great.'

No sooner then she said that, another pair of footsteps were heard coming up the stairs. They were familiarly soft and stealthy, and came to Hatter's and Scarecrow's room. There was a knock, and the door was opened.

'What took you so long?' Scarecrow asked irritably.

'I see that you have done nothing without me. Figures.' Riddler's prudent voice sounded from behind the wall,' No one can start anything without the great Master of Riddles!'

'We wanted to spare the neighbors some last bits of sanity before the human-sized grasshopper entered the building,' said Scarecrow dryly.

'You're just jealous because you got your costume from a village dump while mine was crafted with style,' boasted Riddler.

'Homosexuals crave attention, so they wear tight clothes and bright colors in order to attract their –ahem- "mate",' Scarecrow would certainly be smirking now, 'simple psychology.'

'Great, just great!' Harley hissed, also steadily growing annoyed, 'A party to which all the nerds have been invited. We have three kinds: Computer Geek, Psychology Freak and Brain-Drain Nerd. What will they create, I wonder?'

'I'm going to shut them up,' Ivy got ready to stand up, when Harley pulled her back down.

'Shh!' Harely hushed her,' I wanna hear what they do for fun.'

'Let's watch TV. I've acquired some junk food which will rot our already weak immune systems, but hey, it's still better than Arkham food,' Riddler informed.

The rustling of a paper bag was heard and Hatter was commenting,' Popcorn and ice cream. Not bad Edward.'

'Ice cream!' Harely whispered loudly, 'Those lucky bastards! I haven't eaten it for a month, and Jervis is now probably putting it in his tea to serve it to the pigeons…..'

'Calm down Harley, you know they wouldn't do that,' said Ivy soothingly.

'I've put some ice cream in my tea, but it became cold,' Hatter said,' oh well, I'd better give it to the pigeons……'

'Argh!' yelled Harley.

'Wait! Did you hear that?' asked Riddler cautiously.

'Harleen?' offered Scarecrow,' Yes, we should be more quiet from now on, the girls are sleeping.'

Riddler seemed to get an idea because of what he said next,' I know what we should talk about: who do you think is the more attractive one?'

'Harleen,' said Hatter automatically.

Ivy could see Harley smile in the dark, but it fell once Riddler said,' Jervis, you only go after girls who have blond hair, blue eyes and are called Alice. Harley has two out of three, so for you it's probably better than nothing.

'I think Pamela would be suited for me. Of course, her intellect is way below my genius one, but at least we share the same taste for green. I bet Catwoman is dying to get her claws on my body while Talia Al Ghul worships secretly a statue of me. Harley would love to have me, if only Joker would let her go.'

'It seems that your ego has alarmingly taken you over,' said Scarecrow mildly, 'you live in a world where the paranormal happens, where women crave for your body. The only word that springs to mind is the Narcissus Complex, where a person adores themselves, which I'm sure you do. Tell me, however, do you envision yourself as a ladder or as a carton of yoghurt?'

'Take a thread and a needle and sew your mouth shut Crane,' snapped the Riddler, 'who is the girl that you like? Is it Tetch when he put on hair extensions and wears a blue dress- hell, he would really look like a girl then.' Hatter gave an outraged cry, but Riddler continued,' Or perhaps you like something large and blubbery, something that drives fear into you and can take any shape, like Clayface!'

'Would they just shut up with this outsmarting of each other?' Harley groaned.

'Nygma, please stop drinking your beer- yes, I know it's alcohol you're drinking from that bottle in the paper bag, because why would you be too embarrassed to show it?' said Scarecrow coldly, 'The Great Riddler who can handle different hardships but cannot handle a few gulps of alcohol is making a fool of himself. Why didn't this come up sooner?'

'For a bag of straw you really talk too much,' Riddler bit back,' you must have had such a horrible childhood that you take out all your anger on such a wonderful person like me.'

'Don't flatter yourself.'

Hatter had probably wanted to stop his fellow colleagues from quarreling, for he interrupted, 'Did you know that Jonathan hangs his scythe in the toilet?'

'Tell him about the glow-in-the-dark underwear that you bought the last time you broke out of Arkham,' Scarecrow offered mildly.

Hatter seemed unfazed by this, 'Oh yes,' he said cheerily, 'look what I bought from Marks and Spencer!'

There was the faint sound of rummaging of clothes before Hatter said, 'This is a vest I have here. The words are fluorescent and I cannot see what writes on it.'

'Well, we'll just have to find out, won't we?' said Riddler, the sound of him shuffling to the place where the switch was for the light.

_Click!_ The lights probably went off.

'Do you see what it says?' asked Hatter curiously.

Scarecrow clicked his tongue in negative response and said, 'It isn't clear. I think it says "Seductive Boy" but I'm not sure.'

'Are you sure it's not "Sexy Baby"?' asked Riddler.

'The words are fading, better recharge it,' said Hatter, and there was a _click_ for the light being turned on and then another _click_ to be turned off.

'I was correct!' exclaimed Riddler, 'Go and buy yourself some glasses Scrawn-Bag!'

'You remember what happened to the last person who called me that,' threatened Scarecrow, 'let me give you a hint: it was a bully from my school.'

'The words are fading again!' complained Hatter.

'Some shirt!' snorted Riddler, 'When you have to activate the glowing every few seconds. Are you sure it wasn't the Flea Market you bought it from? Because in the world you're living in, a common dustbin can look like the Queen of Heart's throne to you.'

'That's it!' snapped Ivy, standing up, 'I've had it with men's petty arguments! These guys just bicker around like a couple of old ladies so they could see what a shirt looks like in the _dark_, while we have to get some sleep around here!'

'Aw, why can't hear some more?' Harley asked wistfully, but Ivy had already opened the door and got out.

Harley scrambled out of her bed –or even better, _jumped off_ it because she was on the upper bunk- and went to join her furious friend. She met Ivy who was viciously banging on the door of their neighbors. The door clicked and opened, revealing a tired-looking Jonathan Crane who had taken off his Scarecrow sackcloth but hadn't bothered to slip out of his costume. He was of course very thin, that even his limbs seemed to act on their own because they could take many awkward positions. And the position he was taking now was having his skinny arms crossed and looking at Ivy with question written over his face.

'I expected better from you Professor Crane,' barked Ivy, 'I was sure when we agreed to have you and Mr. Tetch as neighbors I believed that everything would work smoothly between us. Harley and I just broke out of Arkham and today you're planning to have a party!'

'I assure you Miss Isley, that the person who causes the most trouble is our guest,' Scarecrow turned toward the Riddler who had spotted Ivy at the door.

'Hi there Pamela, you charming mammal!' giggled Ridder who was becoming out of character because of the alcohol, 'Can you help us figure out what's printed on this shirt?'

Scarecrow turned back to Ivy to say, 'Coram publico.'

Hatter appeared on the scene, now wearing soft blue pajamas with a dressing gown of the same color over it. He spotted Ivy and Harley and apologized, 'I'm sorry for the noise. I thought that it would've been nice if Edward and Jonathan could share a tea party together in order to build up tolerance, but it seems that I was wrong.'

'This room is not big enough for two superior intellects,' declared Riddler,' but I won't be unfair. I refrained from telling riddles tonight and we ought to invite the charming ladies to our party.'

Harley grinned and bounced in, while Ivy followed her warily. Riddler noticed Harley's checked pajamas and commented, 'Harley, these colors are giving me an eyesore! Why didn't you put on a bath robe?' when he noticed what Ivy was dressed in, he added seductively, 'I'm so glad that you forgot yours.'

Ivy said with disgust, 'I'm having a party with drooling geeks.'

Harley made herself at home: she slumped on the couch, grabbed the bowl of ice cream, took a random spoon and ate, commenting between mouthfuls, 'Shame for such yummy food to go down the drain. Ya really don't know how to appreciate candy….'

'Is this the party?' asked Ivy.

Hatter offered her a seat next to Harley and Ivy took it. She looked at their bunk bed where a sticker was stuck to each one. They were obviously written by Hatter, because the upper one read "JoNaThAn" while the sticker for the lower bed wrote "JeRvIs". Hatter noticed her trail of sight and explained, 'I don't like heights. Jonathan slept on haystacks before so I suppose that he doesn't mind.'

In the meantime, Riddler shoved Harley off the sofa where she landed on the floor with a thump, but she didn't mind much for she was occupied with the ice cream. Riddler leisurely took his seat next to Ivy and cleared his throat.

'There's no one but you and I, darling.' He said romantically, placing his arm around her shoulders, 'Don't pay attention to the rest, for what do they know what love is, especially how handsome I am? They are just jealous of us and me.'

'For once in your life, do a good deed by kissing him,' Scarecrow said hopefully.

Ivy shook her head with regret, 'It won't work. I forgot my poisonous lipstick.'

'Then do yourself a favor and kiss me,' Riddler said dramatically, 'who knows, maybe you will be telling your grandchildren that you were allowed to experience the kiss of the great Riddler.'

'She's sterile, you imbecile,' Scarecrow chipped.

Now Ivy shot him a look of anger but she dropped her head with hurt.

'Aw, how could ya be so cruel, Professor Crane?' Harley sympathized, 'You were always nice to me back at Arkham, why can't you be nice to Ivy?'

'My dear child, at least you don't hate anything that is male and writes on paper,' opposed Scarecrow.

'You don't know how to have fun,' Ivy spoke up.

'What do you mean by that?' asked Hatter, 'Of course we are having fun! I made tea, see?' he held up two teapots, 'One is green tea with lemon while the other one is mint with honey…..'

'What about Earl Gray?' piped up Harley, taking a break from her ice cream.

'The shop didn't have it.'

'Chamomile?' Harley tried.

'Still didn't have it.'

'Perle de Jade?'

'Harley, you know how that tea is rare and expensive!' Hatter reminded.

'Yep, and that Royalty used to give it to their hounds to drive them nuts,' Harley chimed. Hatter looked proud of her.

'My best friend has been learning about different tastes of tea from a plant murderer?' Ivy cried, 'Harley, how could you? They boil the plants alive!'

Harley paid no attention, 'Lemme try the mint with honey.'

Riddler took another swig from the bottle in the bag.

'Your breath smells of yeast and barley blood,' said Ivy coldly.

'I have to drown my sorrows because a beautiful woman cannot love me because of the other fools in this world,' Riddler said poetically.

'Don't drown your pathetic sorrows on the juices of the poor dead plants,' Ivy said, staring at the bottle with tears in her eyes for the concern of her beloved barley. Hell, barley is a crop whose fruit is used to satisfy humans.

'Green tea?' Hatter offered kindly, unaware of the damage he was doing. When Ivy clamped her mouth with her hands in horror and ran to the window to breath after seeing the swirling green liquid, Hatter added with insult, 'I couldn't help it that they didn't have jasmine in it also.'

'You cad!' said the Riddler, standing up and swaying slightly from the alcohol effect, 'How dare you insult the beauty the world never seen before? Go and join your Alice on the floor who's stuffing herself with high-fat ice cream!'

He stomped off, tripped, gathered himself up with wounded pride and joined Ivy at her side.

'Don't worry darling, he won't hurt you again,' Riddler soothed.

Ivy came up with a painful decision. She turned to him and said, 'If I kiss you, will you stop following me?'

'One kiss from the fair lady is all I ask!' Riddler proclaimed.

Ivy sighed with defeat, 'Alright.'

As they leaned on to kiss, there was a sudden power cut, which was quite common in this area. Pitch black darkness swallowed the room, and the members tried to calm down.

'We should stay together until the light comes back on,' ordered the Scarecrow.

'Ow!' yelped Harley when somebody stepped on her hand.

'Sorry Harleen,' apologized Hatter.

'I demand my kiss!' Riddler demanded through the darkness, somewhere in the room.

'You want to kiss now?' Ivy snapped, 'Hang on, the power will be back in a minute.'

'I won't stop bothering you if we don't do it in this romantic darkness, away from prying eyes,' Riddler yelled, beginning to hiccup.

'Oh fine,' said Ivy with annoyance.

There was the sound of shuffling, and the noise of a kiss being exchanged. The lights immediately came on, so everybody could see where they were.

Riddler kept his eyes closed, even in the darkness, and when he broke the kiss, he sighed, 'I will never forget your wonderful lips my darling.'

He heard a cry from Ivy and the sound of a slap cracking through the air, but it was distant and he wasn't the one slapped. It was immediately after that he was slapped.

He opened his eyes and shrieked with horror: he had kissed Jervis Tetch!

'Get your hands off me, you Jabberwocky!' Hatter yelled.

'You faceless abuser! And here you are pretending that you are in love with your precious Alice while you jab after men! Be careful of him Crane! He attacks handsome men in the dark- not that you are handsome, Crane- but he's sick!' Riddler stopped his ranting and then asked carefully, 'Crane?'

He looked around the room and saw an Ivy flushed with anger and Crane holding his stinging cheek. It all immediately clicked in Riddler's already drowsy mind.

'How dare you touch my girl?' Riddler demanded, 'I see it all now…… no wonder Tetch and you are together! Blondie here likes to have a go at men, that's why he invited the handsome me, while you have a go at the girls you sick ex-university professor! No wonder they fired you!'

Ivy was also vengeful, 'Get him, Nygma!'

Riddler took a swing at Scarecrow, but partly because of Scarecrow's abused childhood where he gained agility and speed from beatings but also partly because of the Riddler's drunkenness, he missed and fell to the floor. A few moments later, from the floor was heard a soft snoring.

'Well, one less fool among us.' Scarecrow said, 'I was planning to use Fear Gas on him to sober him up, but I doubt that he would cause much trouble now.'

There was a knock at the door and Hatter opened it this time. There was Two-Face dressed in half white and half black pajamas, Clayface and Bane dressed in full uniform and a bathrobe with printed teddy bears on it were standing at the door.

'Do you also experience the power cut?' asked Clayface, full of bad nature.

Hatter nodded. Two-Face said, 'We heard that you are having aparty up here and were are annoyed by the noise.'

'You too?' asked Harley, holding an almost empty bowl of ice cream and coming to the door.

Bane put a hand to his –erm- eyes, when he saw Harley's eyesore pajamas. Clayface added, 'Put a one-color dress robe already. My eyes are hurting. I'm going to sleep.'

Clayface went off and so did Bane. Two-Face barged in, flipping his trademark coin. His normal and deformed eye sweeped across the room and commented, 'Some party you're having. Having fun?' he said sarcastically, when his eyes rested on the Riddler who was lying on the floor unconscious.

'Yep. Professor Crane kissed Red,' Harley piped up.

'Be quiet Harley,' Ivy said.

Two-Face looked at Ivy, 'Going after new men to kill, eh Pam? Just like you did before and almost killed us. Are you really that desperate since you chose Crane?'

'Eddie was supposed to be kissed, but since he was behaving like a jerk, I think it's best that Red moved onto Professor Crane, even though he ain't pretty to look at.' Harley bubbled on.

'I didn't move onto anybody Harley,' Ivy was losing her patience, 'It was an accident.'

'Yeah, yeah sure. Just don't start painting your hair yellow and rolling around in the hay,' Harley grinned at Scarecrow, 'Bet you'd like that! I'm sure your fetishes are hay, pumpkins and screaming. Don't look at me like that! I did Psychology too, ya know. But I'm still wondering if you also like red-heads like my girl pal here.'

'That's enough Harley!' exclaimed Ivy.

'Please let me Christen your kid!' said Harley desperately, 'I'll give him a good name, honest! I cannot call him Jack- Puddin' and I are gonna call ours that way- but I'm willing to sacrifice names such as Angel, Dipsticks and Sweetchops!'

Taken aback by Harley's outburst, Scarecrow informed, 'I will let you know when I get myself a pet raven.'

Harley's grin widened, 'Yeah, don't call him "Nightmare" 'cause that name sucks. I'll call him Rusty or Bubba.'

'We are in a circus,' said Two-Face dryly.

'I'm afraid that the circus complete,' said Hatter.

'What do you mean?' asked Two-Face, but he didn't need to especially when he saw who was standing at the window. It was to everyone's surprise that Gotham's most notorious burglar, Catwoman, was standing there.

'What are you doing here at such a late time?' asked Ivy.

Catwoman cocked her head to one side in confusion. 'What's wrong?' she purred, 'You consider this late? It's only 11 o'clock.'

'Do you have ice cream?' asked Harley, leaning in to her.

Catwoman frowned, 'No. I heard that here was a power cut and so I decided to give some company to the girls.'

It was at that moment that Riddler regained his consciousness and spotted Catwoman. He was obviously still drunk because he exclaimed, 'Oh look, the stripper's here! Look at me!' he unbuttoned his shirt, 'Hey, diddle, diddle, look at my nipple!' It was lucky that he passed out the moment he said this.

Ivy smirked, 'I'll make sure he never forgets it.'

'You aren't welcome here you Cat Witch,' Scarecrow said, 'Go and exchange your scratches with Bat-Bully before I give you a taste of fear.'

Catwoman smiled slyly, 'I see that the Straw Man is still burnt from the last time we met, and I'm glad. I also see that I'm not wanted here, so ciao and meow!'

With a crack of her whip, she was gone. Hatter asked innocently, 'Jonathan, was she talking about the time you kidnapped her to reach to Batman, but it ended up with having her beat the life out of you with her whip and almost burning you to death?'

'The very same,' seethed Scarecrow.

Again there was knocking at the door.

'I'll open it this time,' Harley said.

She got up and opened it. Suddenly there was a joyful shriek heard from her.

'Puddin'!'

Sure enough, there was the Joker still in his Arkham uniform and the aristocratic Penguin standing by him who had promised before to help him break out of the asylum. Harley jumped into the Joker's arms, while the Joker said, 'Harleygirl, what on _earth_ are you wearing? My eyes hurt!'

Upset, Harley moved away from him and snapped, 'Will somebody hand me a robe to cover myself?'

Once the Scarecrow's maroon robe was placed over her, the Joker said in mock insult, 'You're having a party without me? Oh, I thought that my Harley would find some dashing man like the whacked Tetch or nerdy Jonny Boy,' Joker laughed, 'you know that I would kill you if you did that?'

'Oh, Mistah J, there's no one except you,' Harley sighed lovingly.

'It better be that,' Joker smiled dangerously, but then lost the smile when he looked around the room, 'well, well, what do we have here?' he looked at Ivy, 'Amazon Woman,' seeing Scarecrow, 'Random Bag of Straw,' turned to unconscious Riddler, 'Someone Not Worth Mentioning' to Hatter, 'Blondie' and to Two-Face, 'Coin Abuser.'

'Wanna join in?' asked Harley excitedly.

'I'm charmed, but I would rather not join this delightful little party,' objected Penguin politely, eyeing the room with distaste, especially food among which was no caviar. With rules of etiquette, he said goodbye and left.

'Great, now we can gat back to sleep,' yawned Ivy, 'C'mon Harley.'

'What about Puddin' ?' asked Harley worriedly.

'He'll be able to sleep on the street, he belongs there,' Ivy said.

'What about Eddie?' asked Harley again.

Everybody looked at the unconscious Riddler and shrugged. 'Let him lay there,' said Hatter, 'I know and excellent remedy tea to give him in the morning.'

'Alright, alright, goodnight,' Scarecrow shooed everyone away. He could hear down the corridor Harley reassuring Joker that he could sleepover in her room, only that Ivy won't give up her bed for him, so he'll have to sleep on the floor.

Alone, Hatter asked, 'Do you think we should cover him?' motioning to the Riddler.

Scarecrow shook his head, 'No, the heat encourages the alcohol to work faster throughout his system. When he wakes up cold and aching in the morning, he'll thank me.'

'So, you want to watch TV?' asked Hatter, 'I think "Alice in Wonderland" is still on, and the girls won't mind.'

Scarecrow shrugged, 'Why not? I'm curious what kind of drugs Alice took to get herself into such a hallucinated mess.'

_Author's Note: Finished! Hope you like this and that it's adaptable for PG-13. I thought that the beginning was boring and that I just had to get into the mode of humor. I was planning on writing this for some time, so please review!_


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